Why am I here?

There have been so many times in the past few months where I have noticed my memory issues.

It started with words.

I would be trying to give a student a direction or asking them a question and I would lose my train of thought in the middle of my sentence. Luckily Mrs. Rocketship is always there to finish them for me, but it is frustrating to say the least. I forget the names of things. Things we use everyday, take home journal, writing journal, word tool, or I call them by the wrong name. Aphasia it is called.

Now I am noticing it more and more often. I will open a browser window and have no clue what I wanted to search for. I will sit up on the couch, meaning to do something, and have no recollection of what it was. I can no longer make mental lists of things I need at the store. It is frustrating.

I am not in school any longer. I do not have to study and do homework, but I wonder if I would be as good of a student as I was. I used to be able to write something down once and it would be locked in. Remembering facts and figures came so naturally to me. I bet that would not be the case now.

Istvan Sandorfi

It is just one more reminder of yet another thing that has been taken from me by this condition. It has changed me in so many small ways. I am not the person I was in October of last year. That is the most frightening part. What will I lose next? What will I notice has changed? Who will I be tomorrow? Will it be my positive attitude? Will it be my ability to empathize?

It is frightening.

It is like there are pieces of me floating away. Like I am dissolving into bits. What happens when there is nothing left of ME?