The Wait is Over

So the wait is over.

I was not offered the position.

And while I keep telling myself that is ok there is a part of me that is totally not ok with any of this.

I just don't understand how much bad news a girl can be expected to take before she flips the hell out. I found out the answer last night. Three major pieces of bad news in 4 and a half months. That is how much it takes before a girl flips the hell out.

I flipped out.

I never flip out.

Ok, that is a lie. I freak out all the time. But I freak out in private. Typically in my car. Typically because I am jealous of people who can relieve their pain with a pill. Typically because I miss my life before when I felt like a normal girl.

Last night was not in private.


And I try to put a happy face on it because no one likes a cry baby. I don't like a cry baby. I like to make fun of my problems because then they are not so big and scary. It's like imagining a spider wearing polka dot boxers and a clown wig. As soon as you can laugh at it it's not so scary anymore.

So yeah. I thought I was fine because I was laughing. And I am fineish. And I will be finer.

Good things in my life...
The puppies who are snoring next to me.
The husband who loves me
The mom who feeds me
The friends who take care of me
The doctors who are knowledgeable about me
The Stinker and all of the other kids who I already make a difference for every day

Maybe my mom was right. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe I am not done here. Who knows.

Housekeeping...

I have been playing around with the features on the blog and have added two new gadgets...

1. You can now subscribe by email. It has come to my attention that to follow me you have to have one of a specific list of accounts. Some people don't have one and so I added this gadget. If you sign up you will get an email when I update. I have no idea what the email looks like but I can tell you that they say they will only email you if I post.

2. Some people utilize RSS feeds. I added a gadget for that as well. You can subscribe to my posts or comments. It'll make it easier for you to add me to your RSS feeds. Which you should. Because I am awesome.

Also, due to peer pressure from Spicy Ramen, Sprockets, and the Hubs I had to change my font. Apparently boys do not like the old font.

<3

The Field Museum

Things I learned at the Field Museum yesterday...

I am incredibly immature.

This man is my brother from another mother. My sister from another mister. A man descended from ancient peoples who has decided to wear a rather low cut top. As I stood stroking his cleavage (this was a photograph people, not a real man) and asking my friends if they thought his top too low cut it occured to me that I may not be getting what I am supposed to be out of this experience.

This is a picture of two bugs having sex. There was a whole bug sex display. I couldn't help but imagine the person who had to pose those little buggies in sexual positions. Do you think he enjoyed it? I imagine it is a peaceful job, but what do you tell the wife and kids when you get home from work?

"So what position did you go with honey?"

"Doggie style, I wanted to think of you when I looked at them." Weird.


And then there was the poop search. I may have learned that some butterflies drink poop juice. I may have sent this information to Mrs. Rocketship because I knew the boys would be excited to know about this. She instructed me to learn about things other than poop at the Field Museum. I of course spent the whole day looking for something about poop. I had no idea there would be so little poop information in the Field Museum. Finally in the last exhibit Sprockets found me poop. He is my hero.

So yeah. Field Museum was pretty cool. The only thing I cannot get used to is how tired I get. I used to have so much more energy, but by the end of the day I was beat. I had a headache, which I am going to chalk up to lack of food, but the exhaustion was the really horrible part. I would have been tired before, but this was like barely hold your head up and prop your eyes open with tooth picks tired. Just something I will have to get used to I guess.