Brave

Sometimes even the things you want more than anything are scary.

Petitions.

Filing.

Dissolution.

Cutting apart what you thought held you together for a long time.

But it didn't. It didn't hold you together. You are the glue that holds you together. It's always nice to have someone to lean on. It's always nice to have that support, but you are the one who gets out of bed every day and puts one foot in front of the other.

No one else can do that for you.

And the future is so bright. Anything is possible. Absolutely anything.

Moments

For some reason I feel the need to hold on to certain moments lately. I feel like I have to tuck them away somewhere or they will be gone forever.

Promises whispered in the dark.
An arm around me in the kitchen.
Flowers on a car seat.
Eyes constantly scanning the crowd for me.
Every single ambush.
Super cold cups.
The smell of metal on hands.

I have this feeling of sand slipping through my fingers. I worry that one day I will look down and it will all be gone.

Sometimes you have to walk uphill and it is no fault of your own. Sometimes when you're used to vacant eyes and empty promises the real thing seems like a mirage. Sometimes you get too caught up waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes you need to make up for someone else's breach of trust.

That is not fair.

But thank you.

Few and Far Between

Sometimes you like songs because you hope someone else will identify with them.

My updates have been so few and far between because I have been doing so well! So few headaches.

Thursday night I didn't make it to the pharmacy in time and I was completely and totally out of acetazolamide. This meant that I missed my dose of acetazolamide at night and then the pharmacy doesn't open until 9 so I was going to miss it in the morning as well. : / not good. The last time I missed acetazolamide was when I was first diagnosed. There were allergy issues and so we had to wait to hear from the doctor to make sure everything was ok. I ended up in the hospital.

Things were even more complicated because I still don't have a car. So it wasn't like I could sneak out and pick up my prescription at the pharmacy by school. Plus my mom was out of town for the week. So she couldn't even help me out. It had the potential to be very very bad.

Then Prom Date stepped in.

"So do you need to me to get your prescription when the pharmacy opens tomorrow?" nod.
"Do you need me to bring it to school?" nod.
"Are you going to be ok until then?" shrug.

He has been wonderful this week. Not only carting me back and forth to school but also trying to help me find a car. Both he and TJizzle have gone a long way to helping me start rebuilding my confidence that has been kind of shattered.

Things tend to get messed up in your mind even if you are the one who walks away.

But now I have not one but two leads on cars and an interview for a summer job on Tuesday. I am pretty excited about it.

Happy Summer Saturday!