Dreams

So Prom Date made me watch this terrible movie last night about infectious diseases. Contagion. It was supposed to be filmed here in town but they pulled out. Apparently he ended up working on one of the sets though so it resulted in me sitting through 146 minutes of the most boring shit I have ever seen.

Still, it resulted in these weird dreams about sick people, zombies, and the apocalypse. It also resulted in my getting like 6 hours of very interrupted sleep which I am not ok with.

I'm the kind of girl who needs a good 9 hours.

This is going to be a good weekend. Hubs and I have duties today that can't really be discussed in public because they are technically against the rules (we'll just say it might involve a small girl with a bow) and then tomorrow we are going to the drive in to see The Hunger Games with Cats and Spicy Ramen. I am super excited. I LOVE the drive in and I haven't been there since I was a kid. I will wear my PJ's just in case I fall asleep.

I do have to get to those trainings I need to finish though. Maybe tomorrow afternoon.

IIH can kiss my ass.

The Wait is Over

So the wait is over.

I was not offered the position.

And while I keep telling myself that is ok there is a part of me that is totally not ok with any of this.

I just don't understand how much bad news a girl can be expected to take before she flips the hell out. I found out the answer last night. Three major pieces of bad news in 4 and a half months. That is how much it takes before a girl flips the hell out.

I flipped out.

I never flip out.

Ok, that is a lie. I freak out all the time. But I freak out in private. Typically in my car. Typically because I am jealous of people who can relieve their pain with a pill. Typically because I miss my life before when I felt like a normal girl.

Last night was not in private.


And I try to put a happy face on it because no one likes a cry baby. I don't like a cry baby. I like to make fun of my problems because then they are not so big and scary. It's like imagining a spider wearing polka dot boxers and a clown wig. As soon as you can laugh at it it's not so scary anymore.

So yeah. I thought I was fine because I was laughing. And I am fineish. And I will be finer.

Good things in my life...
The puppies who are snoring next to me.
The husband who loves me
The mom who feeds me
The friends who take care of me
The doctors who are knowledgeable about me
The Stinker and all of the other kids who I already make a difference for every day

Maybe my mom was right. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe I am not done here. Who knows.

Surprises

Today was supposed to be a surprise birthday party for Cats.

She found out.

Now I am not pointing fingers or naming names, but I assume the responsibility lies with her husband, Spicy Ramen. I know that he may try and fool you with his denials in the comments of this blog post. I would suggest you take everything he says with a rather large grain of salt.

Wills' guest post. Pretty awesome huh? Almost made me cry.

Today has been a fine day. A good day. Sunny as can be so we took the pups for a walk down by the pond. Then I napped, which is interesting because I slept for 12 hours last night. Something I need to ask the neuro about I think.

Dr. Awesome... is narcolepsy a typical side effect of IIH?

I also discovered something a little horrifying last night. I believe I am growing horns out of my forehead. The Hubs says they are as pronounced as they have always been. I doubt him on this. And they seem to be smaller today. Also something I need to ask the neuro about. I think this one might have go in the ridiculous question section though.

A little housekeeping note. I have added a symptom calendar up above. If you click on it you will travel to my google calendar which will tell you the weather and what symptoms I am experiencing that day. Enjoy. Maybe someone will want to make a graph.

I must go shower for this surprise party that is no longer a surprise. I hope the vegetarian chili is tasty. I used this recipe but I added a whole bunch of things and my crock pot barely closed. Oops.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Last night was amazing.

You often hear people who have been diagnosed with life altering illnesses talk about how they found out who their "real" friends were. This is never a good thing. If you are one of those "real" friends you should feel very bad about yourself.

So I am always at a loss to describe my experience. I found out who my real friends were and I looked around, took attendance, and everyone was still present and accounted for. Even though I have a condition that sometimes makes me a shitty friend. Even though I occasionally have to back out of things or I fail to deliver as promised. Even though I am crabbier than I used to be these people have stuck by me and stepped up to always provide an ear, a hug, and a glass of wine when needed.

Cue last night.

I was told, we're going to have a dinner for Rare Disease Day. This sounded like great fun to me. Can I bring anything? Nope, just yourself! Wills, Mrs. Rocketship, Cats, and Spicy Ramen were all in attendance (with the Hubs of course) and I never believed that a day about illness could be filled with so much laughter and love. Everyone pitched in to make it one of the most memorable nights of my life.

And then came the gift. Who gets a gift on Rare Disease Day?

My shirt! <3

Me, after my LP.

Me, that's who. We were done with dinner eating undercooked monkey bread (which is seriously how I like it, I will tell you about my old school camping experiences at a later time Wills) and Cats brings in this box. I open it, and what is it but a t-shirt with the words "You Down with PTC" on the front, my blog address, and then the words "working to relieve the pressure." The best part? It matches my blog colors. I started to cry. I was just so overwhelmed with how lucky I am.

The best part about the whole night and this morning was I felt great. I had energy, my head felt fine, and I felt like I was back to my normal self. The magic of a spinal tap. I think someone might have body snatched me because I wasn't worried about when the other shoe would drop, which means when it did drop the suddenness was a little off putting.

I was at lunch, munching on my car Cheeze-Its (don't ask) when I got a sharp pain in my forehead. Sinus! I thought hopefully, but it didn't go away. It built into the worst headache of all time. And I just wanted to cry.

24 hours. I got 24 hours of relief. How is that fair?

But life isn't fair, and so I need to change my attitude. Instead of being annoyed by the headache I need to be thankful for the time I did have feeling amazing. I need to be thankful it fell on Rare Disease Day so I could feel normal again for this one night. I need to be happy for what I had. I also need to remember how lucky I am to have the friends and family that I do and to stop focusing on the fact that my head feels like someone is squeezing it and instead focus on how damn lucky I am. I will work on this.

Housekeeping...

I have been playing around with the features on the blog and have added two new gadgets...

1. You can now subscribe by email. It has come to my attention that to follow me you have to have one of a specific list of accounts. Some people don't have one and so I added this gadget. If you sign up you will get an email when I update. I have no idea what the email looks like but I can tell you that they say they will only email you if I post.

2. Some people utilize RSS feeds. I added a gadget for that as well. You can subscribe to my posts or comments. It'll make it easier for you to add me to your RSS feeds. Which you should. Because I am awesome.

Also, due to peer pressure from Spicy Ramen, Sprockets, and the Hubs I had to change my font. Apparently boys do not like the old font.

<3