Rum Punch

I had a glass of rum punch tonight. I didn't eat so it hit me pretty hard. I am not sure if my headache is due to the rum or the lateness of my pill taking.

I am in a slump. It has been evident since this all started that things are really not going my way. Little things as well as big things. We got a flat tire, the battery died on the other car, Rob keeps getting crazy low blood sugars. Everything just feels like it is against me. The only time I feel somewhat normal is when I go out. When I am with other people I don't feel like crazy head girl with shit going wrong every day. I feel like the old me. So this Rum Punch party was pretty much awesome. There was a bad moment when I couldn't get a hold of Rob and he was late so I was convinced he was low and passed out in his chair (true), but I decided I wasn't going to worry and could totally catch a ride with the girl who lives in the next town over. And low and behold, my mom was able to get a hold of Rob for me and everything worked out.

I think that is what I need to start working on. I need to learn to let the control go. Just live a little. If everything doesn't happen on my exact time schedule that is ok. I don't have to do everything. I just don't have the energy to be Superwoman anymore.

For the first few days after my diagnosis I refused to let anything change. I went back to work too soon, baked a whole mess of cookies, and just tried to keep every single one of my commitments. I just wasn't ready to let it win yet. I think I am finally ready to let this stupid thing win sometimes and that is more than ok. I have to realize that while I am absolutely committed to living a normal life there will be times where I just have to lay on the couch and sleep the headache away and that is ok. It is not a sign of weakness.

Rum and I have never really gotten along.