Losing Control

I think this is the worst part of PTC. There is no reason. There are conditions that people who get PTC seem to have and apparently obese people are more prone (which is a total confidence booster let me tell you) but there really isn't a reason why your brain decides to do this so there really isn't anything you can do to prevent it.

I think this has been the hardest part for me, realizing that the medicine I am taking won't "cure" me because there is no cure. It is strictly maintenance and if I stop taking it the symptoms will come back. I have no control. I know there are so many people dealing with things like diabetes who have had to face this reality, but I haven't had to face it before and it has been a little daunting.

My neuro told me that PTC can go into remission and that fact actually frightened me. How do you know? How do you tell the difference between remission and the meds working? And when we decide it's remission apparently I just go off of  the meds and wait for symptoms to appear. Uuuuh, that doesn't really sound appealing to me. I will deal with the tingly hands and feet and the hatred of soda if it means that the double vision and blind spots won't come back. Again, the lack of control. I don't really do well with that.

We had a cloudy afternoon. It was almost misty. That didn't do anything for my state of mind. I had to take a migraine pill for the first time in a while and it just made me feel like I was moving in sloooooow motion. Luckily the Stinker leaves early on Tuesdays and there aren't really any pressing projects this close to winter break. Thank goodness for a quiet afternoon.

This is not a very uplifting entry.

I guess the silver lining is even though I had what I would consider a "bad" afternoon it was still manageable. I still got done what I needed to get done.

Only three days until winter break and I don't have to wear real pants for a single one of them.