Fishues

I haven't updated about the fish lately.

They are ok.

We had a bit of an ammonia problem so our fish turned black. They are slowly turning gold again. Poor fish.

I have been dizzy for the past two days. Vertigo. A common problem among those with IIH. We checked my blood pressure and that's fine so I am guessing it is a head pressure thing that is disrupting the fluid balance in my ears.

Bleck.

I am considering cutting off my head. Prom Date said no. Party pooper.

Crabs

I am ready for summer to be over.

I am sick of not having a routine. I am sick of not knowing what I am getting myself into most days. I am sick of not being the expert on my kiddos. I am sick of not knowing what day it is.

Mrs. Rocketship, I NEED calendar.

Getting back to the Stinks feels like coming home. I know what to say to her, I know how to motivate her. And even on her worst days I know exactly what to expect.

I am petrified to see what next year brings. Life after the Stinks is daunting.

But it will be the same students, the same routine, the same coworkers, and the same tasks.

And I will still have the Stinks. Three days a week. At least 5 and a half hours a week. I might sneak her in my purse and carry around school with me. Just so she can say something funny when I am having a crap day.

Brave

Sometimes even the things you want more than anything are scary.

Petitions.

Filing.

Dissolution.

Cutting apart what you thought held you together for a long time.

But it didn't. It didn't hold you together. You are the glue that holds you together. It's always nice to have someone to lean on. It's always nice to have that support, but you are the one who gets out of bed every day and puts one foot in front of the other.

No one else can do that for you.

And the future is so bright. Anything is possible. Absolutely anything.

Swim with the Fishies

I think my nose is sunburned.

I got to cross two things off of my list this weekend. One is none of your business, the other one was driving a boat.

We went to Prom Date's parent's house on the Mississippi where we swam until I was completely pruney from head to toe.

This is my idea of heaven.

I have also managed to find four free books for my kindle that look interesting.

Also my idea of heaven.

<3

Life, it's pretty grand.

Headaches

Shhhh, Prom Date is sleeping.

This whole working nights business is stupid. Like, really stupid.

Last night we went to a rib fest in our little town. It was fun. And Prom Date's mom asked how I was feeling as I had been having pretty consistent but super mild headaches for the past few days. I replied that I was better, but it lead to a discussion about how I know what kind of headache it is.

This is an interesting question and one I have discussed with Dr. Awesome at length. We have worked out a system. I ask myself four questions...

1. Have I eaten today?
2. Have I had enough water today?
3. Have I had caffeine today?
4. Did I sleep last night?

If any of those things need to be fixed I try to remedy the situation. If they don't need to be fixed or the fix doesn't work I take three or four Motrin, depending on the headache. If THAT doesn't work then it is safe to assume it is a pressure headache.

A pressure headache WILL NOT go away unless you reduce the pressure. And so, that's how I know. : )

Life Happens

Today I was at the store. I saw a gen. ed. teacher I worked with my first year out of college. She was with her husband, adorable little baby, and special needs son. Now I didn't even know this woman well enough to say hello, but it got me thinking.

Life happens.

All of your best laid plans can be disrupted in a minute. And all you can do is to deal with it.

No one asks for an IIH diagnosis.

But you can deal with it. I promise.

Don't let the forums scare you. Don't let the side effects scare you. Don't let the threat of surgery scare you. Just live your life the best you can.

Rawr

I have had a headache for like four days.

Nothing major, just a slight neck ache and headache in my forehead.

Just enough to be annoying, but not enough to stop anything. Just enough to make me throw a slight fit in the kitchen and then quietly do the dishes (I can do those Sweetie).

Sometimes I eat fries just for the condiments.

TJizzle just saved me from the world's largest spider. He is quite handy.

Today Prom Date fixed the fan. He is also quite handy.

I am lucky to live with two such handy young gentlemen.

Holy shit, I might be tired. I better take advantage of this while I can!

Independence

Yesterday was the 4th of July.

That is a day to celebrate independence.

Yesterday felt weird. It was the first day in what I am sure will be a string of building new traditions. Which, although liberating, is strange. And the 4th was always a big deal. The biggest deal of all of the holidays. And I have a confession.

I HATE the 4th of July.

I think the parade is boring and the fireworks stink.

There, that is MY declaration of independence.

But yesterday was ok. Too hot to really do anything so it was quiet and involved a nice long nap and sadly a terrible headache. The first really terrible headache. Which I have been nervous about. I should have known better. I was tucked on the couch and told not to move. I was kissed on the forehead and asked if anything could be done. I was told that being taken care of was his most important job. : ) I nearly cried.

And I got to thinking. About IIH and the role it played in the demise. I started to picture myself reading this blog and panicking as I wondered if that would be me and MY marriage and so I have decided to delve into it just a little bit. Just enough to let potential caregivers of someone with IIH know what it is like and what I want when I feel like crap.

IIH is frustrating for everyone. When you love someone and they are in pain your first response is to fix. Pills, ice, band-aids; anything to make it better. That is impossible with IIH. The thing you have to remember is that you can't feel their pain. And therefore you can't judge it. That was one of the mistakes that was made. It was by far not the worst mistake or the only mistake. It was not the one that sealed the deal or made up minds. It was something in a long lists of mistakes. It was by far not the deal breaker, but it did break me just a little bit more.

To have your life change and then to be made to feel over dramatic and useless when dealing with that change.

So my advise to all caregivers. Just be there. When pain hits just be there. I don't know how your sufferer reacts but I do know what I do, I hide. I slink off into another room and try and pretend that everything is ok. I rub my head and sigh until someone walks into the room and then I straighten like a kid who's hand was caught in the cookie jar.

Catch them. Sit them down. Kiss their forehead. Tell them to stop. Ask them what they need. Give it to them. Listen. Believe. Love. And if they need to pretend that they are fine and keep slogging through, let them. But be ready for the fall.

Just be perfect, like Prom Date. Maybe I will have him teach a class.

Bug

This is Bug.

Bug is the newest member of the family.

I love Bug.

So I was thinking about IIH today. I was thinking about who it typically effects. And I was thinking about how it typically affects women in their 20's.

I am a woman in my 20's.

And I can say that my 20's have been an interesting time. I think a lot happens in your 20's. I think many major life events happen. It makes me wonder about stress and IIH. It makes me wonder what role stress and anxiety plays in the development of IIH.

It makes me wish that people would actually research this condition.